


Neat and Trim

by petrichorister



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Body Hair, Community: skyrimkinkmeme, F/M, Hair Kink, Shaving, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 01:49:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3877777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petrichorister/pseuds/petrichorister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An idea sparks a night of fun. Originally from the Skyrim Kink Meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for the SKM. I've edited it a little to make the middle parts a cohesive chapter, but otherwise it's pretty much the same. Also I've backdated it to the time I posted it there because hoo boy do I get embarrassed posting smut.

Well, that settled it. Ulfberth was never going to talk to Mikael again.  
  
At the time, it sounded like a great idea. With enough ale in his system, and that lewd excuse for a bard blurting out all the latest things he’d tried in the darker corners of the inn, he’d found the idea exciting and different. Ulfberth had never wanted for another woman since he’d met his wife, but the tales were often too good to ignore. And, besides, that tip Mikael had given him about circling a finger around her anus and teasing it inside? Gods, Adrianne had loved that.  
  
But this idea was too good to be true, apparently. Just because some woman from Hammerfell did it with a sleazy little bard didn’t mean his wife would do the same, and Ulfberth was beginning to regret asking.  
  
“You want me to  _what_ , exactly?” Adrianne propped herself up from where she lay on their bed and frowned at him. At the very least, saying something as they were fully ready to fall asleep hadn’t been his brightest idea.  
  
Ulfberth felt his face grow hot, and he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “I don’t- I mean, it was only a thought-”  
  
“Let me get this right. You, my  _husband_ , the hairiest man I have ever met in my entire  _life_ , want me to shave. Is that correct?”  
  
Had he been less nervous, Ulfberth may have noticed the smile playing at Adrianne’s lips. He really was asking too much. After all, she was an Imperial, and he’d never noticed Imperial women to be all that hairy. That was, he’d never seen the rest of them  _down there_ , but he imagined that the soft hairs that covered her cunt were fairly normal. At least, they were less thick and wiry than the hairs at the base of his cock, or those running up his chest, or even the scruff of his beard.  
  
“I’m sorry, love, really,” he stammered as he tried to save his skin. “I just thought-”  
  
“Alright.”  
  
Ulfberth shook his head in surprise. “What?”  
  
“I said, alright.” Adrianne grinned ever so slightly, and Ulfberth couldn’t believe his eyes or ears. “Just this once. And I have some rules.”  
  
“Anything!”  
  
“First, you’ll have to be the one to do it, and you’ll have to be careful. I don’t want to get cut.”  
  
“Of course.” Ulfberth nodded vigorously. Even if she hadn’t demanded it, he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he’d hurt her.  
  
“Second, you’ll have to trim your beard a bit. I’d rather you didn’t scratch me too much while you’re working. I’d say to shave it off entirely, but…” Her voice trailed a bit as she looked at him. “I don’t know if I’d like that look on you. Just a trim.”  
  
He honestly couldn’t believe this was happening. It was all he could do to just nod again and keep from rolling her onto her back and starting straight away.  
  
“Third, since it’s  _my_  body we’re taking hair off of, you’ll eat me out after.” With that forward statement, Adrianne’s face broke into a full smile. “If you get what you need, we can close the store early tomorrow for this.”  
  
Ulfberth swallowed the lump in his throat before nodding again. “Anything you want.”  
  
“Good.” She smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Good-night, dear.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a few minor edits here, since these were all sort of one scene broken up into chunks. For flow purposes, I wanted them to be a cohesive chapter.

Ulfberth kept the store inside closed for as long as he needed. He had important things to do while Adrianne worked her forge. Gods, even  _thinking_  about what she would soon look like under her skirt was enough to start him into a frenzy.  
  
First, he needed to visit Arcadia’s, and grab whatever potions or ingredients seemed like a good idea. He didn’t dare ask the alchemist about this, lest he embarrass his wife (let alone himself), so he chose to stay safe rather than sorry. Anything to make Adrianne more comfortable and ensure a close shave was good by him.   
  
He’d asked a few men what they’d used to shave their beards, and he got a few different answers. Mikael suggested frost salts, to cool the skin in case it stung. Vilkas had said jazbay and lavender oils made the skin smooth and smell appealing to women. And, while Ulfberth didn’t much want to take advice from his father-in-law on the matter, he knew Proventus used a small amount of honey to lather and soothe his chin as he shaved.  
  
Once he’d acquired plenty of those and dropped them off at home, Ulfberth realized that he seemed to lack the proper utensils for shaving. Even if he’d been one to shave his beard or trim his hair, surely he’d need a fresh razor for his wife’s privates. It wouldn’t do to just use any old thing.  
  
The Khajiiti caravans outside the city seemed to have a decent selection of what he needed. They had sharp silver blades, small and discreet and perfect for the task at hand. And, just as importantly, they had a whole array of soft cloths, which, he realized the minute he laid eyes on them, were necessary for cleaning her up afterwards.  
  
And, of course, if he was treating his wife anyways, surely he ought to have some fine wine or brandy for her to drink as she relaxed. A trip by the Drunken Huntsman to pick up some wine couldn’t hurt, could it?  
  
Surely there was something he was forgetting, he thought as he finally opened the shop around noon. It seemed that must have been it; it  _had_  to have been.  
  
Still, he was on edge for the next few hours as he waited for Adrianne to come inside and say that they’d be closing shop for the day. Customers came and went, buying daggers and axes, and he gave them what they needed with a tense smile and distracted mind. For all he knew, he miscounted the gold for every purchase, and they’d all left with a bargain they hadn’t expected.  
  
He ended up closing the store sooner than expected. He realized, as the hour drew near, that his beard was still long and coarse. Adrianne had mentioned something about a trim, and he would comply. With a small pair of scissors, he snipped off the ends of his unwieldy facial hair, just enough so that he looked neater, though he hoped no one else would notice it the next day. He used just a bit of the oils and honey he’d bought for Adrianne to make his beard softer (surely a softer beard would feel better on her, wouldn’t it?)  
  
By the time he’d finished, Adrianne was already inside, locking the doors to the store behind her. The fun was about to begin, but the tricky part was getting started.

They each had a goblet of wine, to calm themselves before starting. Ulfberth hadn’t been nervous with Adrianne since their first night together, but, now, anything to keep his hands from shaking was greatly appreciated. He imagined she thought the same.  
  
Once they were undressed and ready to start, he laid her back carefully on the straw, with her legs stretched out over the edge of the bedframe and relaxing on a couple of chairs. This way, or so he imagined, he’d have full access to everything without making a soapy mess of their bed. Really, he could only hope he was right. Normally, if he had her in this sort of position, he’d have already started licking and fingering her until she was begging for relief. It was certainly tempting to go ahead and try, as she was already fully naked and he was down to naught but his trousers, but he didn't want to let this opportunity go to waste.  
  
He had a small pail of water beside him, lined up with all the ingredients he’d picked up earlier. At the sight of it, Adrianne had almost balked, and Ulfberth wondered if he’d prepared  _too_  much. Even if she backed out of it now, he noted, she was still the most beautiful damn woman he’d ever seen, and no amount of hair on her folds would make her any less appealing to him.  
  
As gently as he could, Ulfberth crushed some of the honeycomb and mixed it with water until he had a froth in his hands. He slathered it over her mound, covering every last inch of short hair. With a pair of scissors and a ginger touch, he snipped the hair as close as he could- surely, he thought, shaving away short hairs would be less uncomfortable than shaving away longer ones.  
  
It wasn’t long until he’d gotten almost all the hairs down to barely a bristle over her. He’d never thought of Adrianne as  _hairy_ , but gods- it was as though he was seeing someone completely new.  
  
Then came the bit that required the most skill on his part.  
  
He had to stop his fingers trembling as he dipped the razor into the water pail. The last thing Ulfberth wanted to do now or ever was cut her, hurt her, or make her in any way uncomfortable. He drew the blade out of the water and set to work.  
  
_One._  
  
The metal glided smoothly over the top line of hair, wicking away the stubbly remnants and reducing them to smooth skin, just barely paler than that of her stomach. He rinsed the razor off and started again.  
  
_Two._  
  
With the second stroke, even more of her flesh was revealed to him. Gods, he wanted to kiss it right away, but that would distract him. He needed to finish first.  
  
_Three._  
  
He was getting closer to the most delicate skin, the parts that would most easily bleed if he made a mistake. He would see this through. He  _needed_  to.  
  
With every subsequent stroke, Ulfberth revelled in his wife’s beauty. She was perfect before, true, but  _this_ , letting herself be more exposed than they’d even thought possible; this was amazing. Never mind that he’d never realized just how small her most intimate area was. Never mind that her arousal was just now starting to mix with the lather covering her. Never mind that being this close to her cunt, hairless or not, was enough to drive him insane with need. He couldn’t be done soon enough.

After one final stroke, Ulfberth sat back and admired his work. It had seemed so much…  _bigger_  with hair. Not that he was complaining either way.

He took a drop of jazbay and lavender oil each and rubbed them in his palms. Gently, hoping not to irritate her skin as he did (by some luck, he’d not given her any razor burn thus far, eliminating the need for the frost salts), he rubbed his hands over her entire mound, spreading the oils and locking them into her skin. Adrianne moaned as he did, and a hint of a smile flickered over his face.  
  
A lone thumb traced over the skin, marveling in the smoothness of it. He dragged it over her outer lips, which were parted in all of her arousal. Shor’s bones, but she was perfect. “It’s beautiful,” he breathed before kissing the moist slit. He drew back just enough to meet her eyes. “You’re beautiful.”  
  
For all the years he and Adrianne had been wed, Ulfberth couldn’t remember seeing his wife blush as deeply as she did now. She wasn’t a shy woman, least of all when it came to their lovemaking. This was far from the first time he’d gone down on her. But somehow, without that thin cover of hair, she was that much more exposed.  
  
Gods, he loved it.  
  
With that, he pressed his face to her and inhaled deeply. She smelled delicious, musky and warm, and her skin was just so soft. The clean expanse felt like some sort of fine Cyrodilic silk against his lips now.  
  
His tongue flicked out and tasted her. The remnants of honey and jazbay oil made her skin sweet, and to taste that mixed with her natural flavors… by the Eight, it was  _heavenly_. He laved over her skin, tongue flat at first, before holding her folds open and tasting her with shorter, faster licks. He swirled around her clit, feeling it twitch and harden under him. 

Another moan from Adrianne spurred him further, and he licked her faster and harder. He sucked away at her clit, quickly flicking his tongue over it as one of his fingers toyed with her hole. He pushed in, slowly at first, but eventually picking up the pace to a fast thrusting, in and out and in again as quickly as he could muster. Adrianne was writing in minutes, fingers winding in his hair and pulling him in closer. The hand that wasn’t busy thrusting into her held her tight at the waist.  
  
When she came, she did so with a gasp. Barely a second passed before she started tugging him upward, so that they lay face to face. What he wouldn’t have given for his trousers to simply disappear, and they could get to his absolute favorite part without any further delay.  
  
No, Ulfberth reminded himself. Her pleasure had to come first. Besides, the smooth skin felt amazing under his bare fingertips. Even now, as he continued to finger her, he marvelled at the sensation of her, how  _different_  it was from everything he’d felt before. They lay like that for a while, with him over her, letting her taste herself on his tongue as his fingers slid in and out gently and slipped over her clit, until Adrianne came again, shuddering and clinging to him all the while.  
  
Her fingers impatiently tugged at the waistband of his trousers. As they pushed the edge past his hips, Ulfberth groaned with relief. Gods, he was ready. Once he felt her around him, he wouldn’t last long, he knew it.  
  
He broke away just long enough to kick his pants to the corner of the room, and, with haste, he scooted between her legs once more. Both husband and wife watched as his tip pushed in, slowly despite how relaxed she already was. It looked so clear now, with all that hair gone, that neither could bear to tear their glances away.  
  
Normally, Ulfberth would have held his wife as close as possible as he neared his climax. He would have hugged her, whispered in her ear how much he loved her, and kissed her face. This time, he kept his eyes fixed to their joining, until-  
  
“Pull out.”  
  
“Huh?” Ulfberth looked at his wife as he slowed.  
  
“Pull out. I want it to- I want to see it on me.”  
  
As Ulfberth did, he made a mental note to thank Mikael the next time he visited the Bannered Mare.

* * *

“You look nice like that,” Ulfberth said as his fingers dragged over his wife’s stomach, which shook as she laughed. Below her bellybutton, she was splattered with his semen, white and thick and contrasting starkly with her tan skin. It stuck in rounded buttons, raising slightly from the soft skin of her abdomen and from the softer still skin of her cunt.  
  
“Do you want to try?” she asked when he pressed his lips to the top of her head.  
  
“Try what?”  
  
“Shaving.” When Ulfberth drew away, Adrianne grinned at him. “I let you near me with a razor, didn’t I? I’ll be careful. I promise.”  
  
All Ulfberth could think to do was nod and lean back on the bed as Adrianne got up and headed for the supplies he’d been using earlier. Watching her walk was a treat within itself, but seeing her now, with all that skin exposed and still in the afterglow of sex… well, that was something worth any risk.  
  
Adrianne moved between his legs with the pail, razor, and honeycomb lather. A smirk graced her lips (such  _lovely_  lips, he told himself, that would look so wonderful wrapped around his cock) as she began to spread the honey over his groin. Her hands weren’t delicate, but her touch was gentle,  _teasing_  even.  
  
Her razor strokes were calculated, as if she wanted to make his hair thin out as it reached his base, rather than just have a clear line straight across his pelvis. He wouldn’t have minded if she  _did_  shave a straight line, or if she’d decided to go ahead and shave his whole damned body if it so pleased her, but she didn’t seem to want to waste that much time.  
  
She was careful, pulling the skin tight to avoid any accidental cuts. It didn’t matter to him so much when she was further away from his shaft (if he bled, he bled), but as she got closer and began to shave his balls, he was thankful for how careful she was.  
  
By the time she was finished, he was fully erect once again. He couldn’t usually go twice in one night, but maybe tonight he’d have to make an exception.  
  
Adrianne used the same oils he’d spread on her earlier, working them over the base of his shaft and gently massaging them into his testicles with forge-roughened fingers. Gods, he felt about a million times more sensitive now, and every touch set a fire within him.  
  
Before she could move her lips over him, however, he stopped her.  
  
“Over here first,” he said as he shimmied further down the bed. He wanted her to; gods, did he want her to; but he’d rather let her enjoy this evening more. He gestured for her to come up beside him, and, as soon as he could reach, he pulled her hips until she was right near his face.  
  
His wife took the hint and moved to straddle his jaw. It was still a wonder to him just how  _soft_  she was against his lips, how smooth and silky she felt when one of his fingers glided over her. As his nose touched her clit and his tongue dove into her, he couldn’t help but slow down and appreciate the feeling.  
  
Until she came again, he licked and sucked at her, lost in the sensation. One hand gripped her hip tight, and the other provided some small relief to his own aching member, which felt almost unfamiliar in his grasp.  
  
When she’d climaxed, he flipped her over so that she was kneeling on the bed, and he behind her. It was remarkable just how  _easy_  it was to see everything, to see himself pumping in and out of her, to see how much she relaxed around his girth. And it was that much easier to slide his fingers between her legs and rub away at her pearl while his other hand groped her breast. Adrianne was always vocal when she appreciated what he was doing (and, when she didn’t, she was always sure to let him know), and, right now, she was moaning more than he’d ever heard, gasping between breathy  _yes_ es and  _faster_ s.  
  
Ulfberth could feel her contracting around his cock as she came, and it was all too much. He followed shortly after, almost collapsing on her as he did. When he lay back on the straw bed padding, she crawled over top of him, giggling and caressing and leaving small kisses in her wake.  
  
It seemed their night had barely begun.


	3. Chapter 3

_Knock._  
  
“Adrianne?”  
  
_Knock. Knockknock._  
  
“Adrianne? Are you in there?”  
  
_Knockknock. Knockknockknock._  
  
Ulfberth laughed as he reached after his wife, who headed down the steps with only their bed fur clutched around her as she went to tell whoever was at the door to bugger off. Her rear was still visible to him, bouncing slightly with each step.  
  
“Adrianne, I’ve been looking for you all morning.”  _Knock._  “Adrianne, this is absolutely urgent! General Tullius-”  
  
He pulled on the trousers that he’d kicked off the night before as he heard the door creak open. “Forge is closed today, Thane,” she said, and he smiled. “Shop, too.”  
  
“Adrianne, I’ll have you know, there are urgent matters to attend to right now, and-”  
  
“Tough luck.” Ulfberth clambered down the steps, lacing his trousers as he went. “Store’s closed. You can come back tomorrow.”  
  
“The battle could be coming to Whiterun once again any day now!” the impossible thane cried. “The Jarl and I have both agreed it would be in everyone’s best interest if-”  
  
Ulfberth finally rounded the floor and grabbed a handful of his wife’s ass, making her jump just a tad and letting him feel just a bit more of her newly smooth skin. Judging by the look of the thane’s face outside, the man had just seen a little more than Ulfberth would normally feel comfortable with.  _Normally_.  
  
“Sorry!” Adrianne squealed as she moved to shut the door. “Better luck tomorrow.”  
  
The man outside sighed. “Fine. “ He’d turned to go, then seemed to have a change of heart before Adrianne could shut the door completely. “One little favor. Would you two mind- er, that is to say, would you be so kind as to-”  
  
“Out with it.”  
  
“-keep it down tonight? Breezehome’s just next door, after all, and I had trouble sleeping last night, what with all the moaning-”  
  
“Will do.” With that, Adrianne slammed the door shut and turned the lock as quickly as she could. When she turned back around, she blushed crimson, as if it were any secret that married people sometimes engaged in sex, or as if it were any of their neighbor’s business what they got up to anyway. To calm her again, Ulfberth pulled his wife close, closing his lips over hers passionately.  
  
Ulfberth had no intention of keeping it down tonight.


End file.
